Friends with Benefits (Club Risque Book 5) Page 4

  She even became close to both of his parents, visiting them even without Christian being there and providing as much support as she could to both Krista and Ian. She provided what little respite she could, by insisting on taking Christian's mother out of the house, at least once a week while the cancer nurse was with Ian, even if was just for a coffee or a walk by the river—just to try to give her something else to concentrate on than her dying husband, whose side she rarely left.

  It was never said, but Taryn got the distinct impression that, despite the closeness of their undoubtedly devoted relationship, Ian needed a break from the intensity of Krista's distress just as much as she did.

  "You're a good girl, Taryn," Ian would say as he patted her hand. "You'll make Christian a fine wife one day."

  She'd nearly choked, the first time she heard it, hurrying to set the record straight. "Oh, my goodness, no! There is absolutely nothing at all like that going on between Christian and me. I just act as an escort for him with the business functions, to help him out, since he's far too busy for anything else."

  She knew it had come out a little breathlessly and her face burned bright red even while her heart soared at the knowledge that Christian's parents would clearly welcome her into the family. Krista had sat and nodded her head in agreement, a contented smile on her face, and Ian had winked.

  "Well, that'll come, sweetheart. My son is a shrewd fellow. He's far too sensible to let a good thing go when he sees it."

  In retrospect, maybe Taryn had let his parents' absolute belief lull her into a false sense of security.

  A few months later, when Ian had finally given up his fight, Taryn had grieved just as hard as Christian and his mother. Ian had become like a surrogate father to her while she'd been in college, despite the severity of his illness, and Taryn felt the loss just as fiercely as if he really had been family.

  And with his passing, Krista had all but broken down completely. She became clingy and over reliant on Christian, and Taryn knew that he was feeling overwhelmed by it all, along with his own grief.

  Taryn did what she could to be there for them both, to the extent that it even began to interfere with her college work. But then she, too, was dealing with her own grief and, at the end of the day, some things were more important than others, and the people she loved were one of them. If she had to re-sit a year just to help them get through this terrible time in their lives, then she would gladly make that sacrifice.

  With everything that had been going on, Taryn had almost forgotten that her birthday was coming up. It was only when she received a parcel from her family that it even came to mind.

  It was her nineteenth birthday and since she was so far away from home, she wouldn't get to spend it with her family because she'd already missed too much college and was struggling to catch up. It was the very first birthday she had spent away from home, and with Ian's death, the knowledge hit her unusually hard. She rarely held any kind of pity party for herself, since she had a habit of putting everyone else first, so the feelings had snuck up and taken her unawares.

  Realising, Christian promised to take her out to dinner and, for once, Krista had wholeheartedly agreed and loosened her normally unyielding grip on his free time.

  This was different from the times they usually spent together. Normally, they only attended functions that were a requisite part of the corporate image that his family's company were trying to project, and when she spent time with his family, it was usually because he wasn't available himself.

  This was very much more personal, and Taryn spent a whole lot of time dithering over her choice of eveningwear. She had a closet full of beautiful gowns, all purchased at Christian's expense—or rather, the company's—for the sole purpose of accompanying him as a companion.

  Today, she was spending time with him as a friend, but also as a woman, and she couldn't work out what the heck she was supposed to wear to compete with the wardrobe that had been purchased on her behalf. She could have chosen one of those, of course. But today, Taryn desperately wanted to accompany him as herself and not Tara, her alter ego, the name by which Christian introduced her at the functions they attended together. She wasn't sure if that made any kind of sense, but in her head, it felt like an important distinction.

  In the end, she decided to go rather more as her natural self than she would have liked, but there was no way she could compete with the glamorous corporate image of Tara, and Christian had seen it all before anyway, so what was the point?

  She settled for a cream, lace dress with long sleeves and a full skirt that hit just above her knee. She wore it with ballet flats, since they were so much more comfortable than heels, and decided that if she wasn't able to wow Christian when she was glammed up to the nines with the fancy hair dos and dazzling gowns, then she might as well settle for being comfortable instead, on this occasion. And, for a change, this evening was all about her. It was almost kind of startling to be doing something just for herself, she thought bemusedly.

  Chapter 4

  "Damn, Tara, you look absolutely adorable," Christian complimented when he arrived to pick her up.

  Taryn frowned, she wasn't sure adorable was what she had been aiming for; that sounded far too childlike.

  "I'm Taryn when we're not at a function," she reminded him absently, wondering if she shouldn't have glammed up after all. She was trying to get him to realise how much she'd grown up, after all, not flirt with regression. Oh well, too late now!

  "Sorry, I forget. I probably call you Tara more than anything else," Christian apologized as he pulled away from the curb in his sleek, silver sports car.

  Taryn pursed her lips. The nickname—if that's what it was—had come about because Christian had decided that the mutilated version of her name was far more elegant, sophisticated, and in keeping with the events that they frequented. At the time, Taryn had been happy to go along with anything he said. Now she wondered if she shouldn't have insisted that he stick to her given name. Times like now, when he used it, made her feel like he had forgotten who she really was. Somehow, it just wasn't the same as when her family affectionately called her Trinity. That she could relate to. It was almost an anachronym of her full name, Taryn Tanita Trent, or a reference to the 'three Ts' as her parents used to joke. It was a warm and amusing pet name which somehow made her feel cherished, whereas being referred to as Tara seemed to almost distance her from herself. Still, she held the brief irritation in check. She was determined to enjoy herself this evening. With all the pressure and the heartache recently, she really did need to just let everything go for a little while and chill out.

  Dinner was relaxed and enjoyable in a completely different way from the events they usually attended together. Not that those weren't enjoyable, but they did tend to be somewhat formal and stuffy, not the kind of events where you could just let your hair down.

  There was still the pall of sadness hanging over the pair of them, but thankfully, they at least both understood it. It would be a while before that inevitable period of mourning dulled to a manageable level.

  Taryn's heart bled for Christian. He had so much resting on his young shoulders. Not just the grief of losing his father far too early but also having the responsibilities of the company resting even heavier on his shoulders, never mind his mother's growing dependency. She was lucky that he had time to even think about taking her out for the evening, with everything that was going on.

  She made a concerted effort to keep the conversation light and cheerful. They both needed a break from their current profound and heavy burdens, and Christian certainly seemed to appreciate it.

  There was a strange kind of intensity filling the vehicle as he drove her back to her little flat on the outskirts of the campus. She was fortunate enough to have found something she didn't need to share. The trade-off was that it was tiny, but that suited her since her life didn't seem to mirror, in even the slightest way, those of the other students who spent most of their time drinking and carousing.


  Ironic, really, that Taryn was the one who was failing, but at least she could console herself with the fact that she had far more noble reasons for her own shortcomings. She'd get back on track eventually. Her father wasn't thrilled, and he had told her, in no uncertain terms, that he would not be paying for her to re-sit the year, and she couldn't really blame him. There were four of them all together, with her brothers and sister, and they all wanted to go to college. They weren't short of cash, but it was still a big outlay when they were all enrolling simultaneously for different years, without adding an additional one.

  It wasn't a problem. Taryn would simply find herself a job, maybe take a flat mate if she really had to. It would mean giving up her bedroom and sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room, but she could make that sacrifice if necessary. She'd cross that bridge when she came to it.

  Right now, her brain was scrambled by the distinct lack of oxygen which all seemed to have been sucked out of Christian's car. What was that all about?

  She could feel her body heating and sweat crawling down the back of her neck at the way Christian kept looking speculatively over at her. And what was with that? It wasn't that he didn't look at her when they were out; it was just that, this time, there seemed to be a whole different weight of intent in the way he looked her up and down. Was she imagining that gleam in his eyes? It wasn't something she recognized readily, but she was pretty certain it had never been there before. Or maybe it was really just wishful thinking.

  Taryn swallowed drily and made an effort to ignore the rising temperature in the confined space. She had tried to give up wishing that Christian would ever see her as anything more than a friend, and since she understood his reasons, absolutely and unquestionably, that really hadn't been so difficult. Sure, she had hoped things might turn out differently one day, but she didn't think this soon after his father's death was an appropriate time for her hormones to suddenly go on an all-out rampage and start conjuring up unrealistic fantasies that were likely to trip her up and embarrass her. Jeez, what was wrong with her? She tried to calm her racing heart and hoped beyond hope that Christian didn't pick up on the tension that seemed to be spinning all around her.

  When they arrived back at her home, Taryn jumped out of the car as fast as she could and made a quick break for the door, welcoming the evening chill to cool her heated skin and raging thoughts.

  Christian followed her to the door, and Taryn cursed herself that she was so edgy that she hadn't thought to say her thankyous and goodbyes in the car and send him on his way before she embarrassed herself.

  She almost forgot to breathe when he engulfed her tiny hand in his own and steadied it enough so that she could finally manage to get the key into the lock. Damn it all, what the hell must he think? She could feel the heat of his body burning into her back as if there was no space between them at all, but she didn't dare to look because she didn't know what it might mean if she found it to be true. Did it have to mean anything at all? Probably not.

  She thought she felt a feather light stroke over the long length of her hair but knew damn well that it was just wishful thinking. Oh, God, oh God! She really had to get rid of him before she melted into a puddle at his feet.

  Rushing into the house, she dumped her purse and wrap and hurried into her miniscule kitchen, which was really no more than an alcove off the living area, to fetch herself a glass of water. Gulping it down in a most unladylike manner, she jumped and nearly spilled it when Christian appeared right behind her, and that sent her into a paroxysm of coughing and sputtering.

  "Hey, hey," Christian crooned, patting her gently on the back and taking the glass form her nerveless fingers.

  Recovering herself, she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and turned to face him.

  "Sorry, I was just, umm…I was feeling…ah, feeling…" she trailed off, and her eyes widened as Christian put a finger to her lips and whispered, "Shh! It's okay. I can feel it, too."

  He could? It wasn't just her overactive imagination fantasising on things that weren't there?

  Her mouth was still open slightly and the feel of his finger where it still settled against her mouth seemed to burn in the most delicious way. Then he moved that finger and the rest of his hand into her hair, and Taryn was lost.

  Her brain barely registered the fact that his beautiful face was coming nearer to hers, she was so mesmerized by his closeness, and when those lush, full lips found hers, she forgot to breathe completely.

  The kiss was gentle and tender, and Taryn might have been embarrassed if she had realized that the long, breathy moan that echoed around them was hers.

  Christian's free arm snaked around her waist and pulled her close. Taryn thought she might spontaneously combust when her brain acknowledged the heat of his leanly muscled frame and the hard evidence of his arousal pressing against her stomach where he had pulled her onto her tiptoes to make up for the height difference.

  The kiss turned passionate and incendiary. Christian tightened his hand in her hair and kept her head immobilized while he devoured her mouth, his tongue plundering and demanding. Conquering. He bit at her lips and then soothed with his tongue. He nipped at her jaw and again behind her ear before finding his way back to her mouth and continuing his passionate onslaught. He ground his pelvis into her softness, and Taryn whimpered, seeking to rub at the ache of her own desire in an effort to ease the aching need she felt.

  She was ready to climb up and clamber all over him when he finally broke the kiss. "Goddamn it, this isn't right, Tara," he groaned, his voice catching. "I want you. And God knows, I really need somebody right now, but I don't have anything to offer in the way of a relationship, because the truth is I'm so wrung out from Dad's death, there's nothing left to give."

  He heaved a tortured sigh and started to disentangle himself from her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be taking advantage of you like this. I just want to feel close to someone physically. I need to remember that I'm still alive, but that's no excuse for mauling you like I've turned into some kind of rabid animal."

  He sucked in a shuddering breath. "Forgive me, Tara, I shouldn't have done this to you," he whispered. "I'll let myself out and go find someone who knows the score. I hope I haven't ruined your birthday for you," he finished soberly, his forehead pressed against her own and his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

  Taryn wasn't sure which emotion hit her the hardest. The fact that he had come so close to making all her lustful fantasies come true, the fact that he wanted no strings sex without any kind of relationship, or the fact that he was about to go out and find someone else to sate those heartfelt needs. She even overlooked the fact that he continued to call her Tara.

  Ultimately, it was the thought of Christian with another woman that spurned her into making a choice that would end up having repercussions on her life for many years to come. The idea of him losing himself in another woman's body, even if it was just a temporary interlude of meaningless sex, had the green-eyed monster inside of her rearing its ugly head and messing with her brain so much that she just couldn't see past it.

  "The only thing that will ruin this birthday is if you walk out of that door after twisting me up like that, only to leave me hanging," she panted. He looked like he might argue, but Taryn ploughed on, "I know what's going on in your life better than anybody else on this earth. I know exactly what you're having to deal with, both on a business and on a personal level. I understand all of the restrictions on your time and all of the constraints on your allegiances and I have first-hand knowledge of the entire depth of your commitments. I already live with them, Christian. I've lived with them for over a year, and I've been your escort for the past nine months because I understand all of those reasons. You're my closest friend, Christian, and anything that is within my power to grant, I will do for you. If that includes being a warm body in your bed so that you can lose yourself for a little while, then I'll do that, too."

  Christian was quiet for the longest time, and th
e silence was becoming so drawn out it was getting awkward.

  Finally, Taryn took a step away from him and tried to surreptitiously blink away the tears that were starting to prickle behind her eyes.

  "I guess it's my turn to apologize now," she said stiffly, turning toward the front door to open it for him. "I didn't mean to overstep the mark." The words faltered, and she cleared her throat when they came out as more of a croak, "I hope this won't affect our friendship."

  But it would, wouldn't it? How could it not?

  Taryn had just reached out to turn the door handle when there was a flurry of movement behind her, and in the next second, she was whirled around so fast that her head spun and Christian had her pinned against the smooth wood of the door, his hard body pressing into hers and his breath hot in her ear.

  "You need to be sure about that, Taryn. Because if we do this, there's no turning back, and I'm just selfish and desperate enough, right now, to take that gift and keep it and use it over and over again. Not just tonight, but tomorrow night, and next week, and next month. This won't just be a one-night thing, sweetheart."

  Taryn's heart almost beat out of her chest as he offered as close to what she wanted as she was ever going to get…for now at least. The fact that he wanted more than a one-night stand had her heart and her hopes soaring. It was a start. Maybe not ideal, but enough for now. His pain would heal in time, and his mother would become less clingy and dependent. The company business would be less demanding once everything settled down again, and Christian would gradually get his life back. She could be patient, and she was already prepared to wait. She'd been waiting all this time, after all, with much less to show for it than a physical relationship.